A page for those confused by the unusual terms and snickering in-jokes that show up on the pages of UF. Like the left’s version of the Constitution, this is a living document, so if we missed anything, leave your suggestion in the comments (comments may be deleted after updating the glossary, for cleanliness).
4-5-2 – The NY Kid’s preferred formation. Introduced after Euro 2008 when we chose teams of the tournament. A happy accident, to be sure.
Above Average Jew – Benny Feilhaber, because he’s not as good as the Super Jew, Yossi Benayoun.
Andy Gray – Pundit famous ’round these parts for taking rather indefensible positions, just because he likes making heads explode. Comment usually takes the form of “Andy Gray thinks ____ is a great idea.” Example use: Andy Gray thinks the UF EPL +/- was a very successful idea.
Archer’s Bow – Particular style of dive where player arches his back and throws his head and feet back as well, so as to imitate archery equipment.
Badly Drawn Boykins – Former contributor.
Barcodes - Newcastle United, for their home shirt.
BFS - Big Fat Sam. Same as Fat Sam, but abbreviated.
Bigus Dickus – Former contributor. Sadly took his own life after season opening 7-1 Norwich City loss in 2009. Almost immediately replaced by his cousin, Norfolk Ned.
Billy Gauloises – The pet name for William Gallas that incorporates his love for cigarettes. Willy Gauloises may also be used.
Blankcheckster City – Manchester City spend a lot of money and do so without care.
Bongo FC – Team owned by porn impressario (Bongo being a slang term for porn in UK). Correctly used on West Ham these days, formerly used for Birmingham FC.
Brace – Two goals, one game.
Cashley – Ashley Cole. Nicknamed after leaving Arsenal for Chelsea for an additional £5000/week.
Croatian Fairy – Luka Modric. Some prefer to call him a Croat Magician.
CRon – Cristiano Ronaldo. Used to differentiate from other Ronaldos, including Originaldo.
Crouchaldinho – Peter Crouch, because he is so great with the ball at his feet.
Crozilian – Eduardo, so named because of his Brazilian birth and Croatian naturalization.
Death Stare Bob – Alternate name for Bob Bradley’s affect. Different from Huh Bob in name only, most likely.
Drogba Death Rattle -The particular way Didier Drogba sells his dives, by adding in the spasms of a man about to pass away.
EBJT - England’s Brave John Terry. Used to slag the man overly referred to as brave by English pundits. The American equivalent was when Brady Quinn played for Notre Dame and was full of courage.
Fake Brazilian – A player of Brazilian nationality who does not embody either the flamboyant style or skill usually associated with Brazilian players. Mostly used for Liverpool’s Lucas or Arsenal’s Denilson.
Fat Sam – Sam Allardyce, because he is.
Fat Spanish Waiter – Rafa Benitez, because he looks like one.
Fergie Time – The additional amount of added time at the end of a game needed by Manchester United to secure points. Often beyond the amount of time indicated by the fourth official at 90:00.
F**kpants Marquez – RBNY’s Rafa Marquez. Used because everyone’s initial reaction to his name is “F**k him in the pants”.
F**k You Brace – Scoring a brace against a team with which the player had an acrimonious departure. Introduced and predicted by Norfolk Ned in the preview of a Manchester Cup derby.
Galgas - Another fun name for William Gallas. Taken from this video.
GIVE ‘IM BEANS – From an old postcard spotted on Run of Play. Multiple people were confused by how this was an insult, but were enchanted with it anyway.
Goldenmort - David Beckham. Introduced by The Stretford End when commenters got on his case for talking about Becks too much.
Greatest Strikeforce in the World – Arsenal, 2008-09 (before the injuries (and before they sucked).
Haitian Sensation™ – Jozy Altidore. A NY Kid creation, he will kill you if you steal it.
Handbags - The particular style of football fight where players put on their meanest faces, puff out their cheeks and . . . push each other once or twice (sometimes near the face). Probably earned the name from pundits who recognize that such displays are not dangerous in the least for the players involved.
Huh Bob – Bob Bradley. Name serves two purposes: 1) Commemorates his reaction when Clint Dempsey scored against England and Bradley missed it, and 2) His general cluelessness as USMNT coach.
Human Coke Vacuum – Diego Maradona. Usually not used as a standalone, but instead as “. . . human coke vacuum, Diego Maradona . . .”
Interlull - The annoying parts of the FIFA international calendar which interrupt the domestic seasons. First used on the interwebz at Arseblog.
Johnny Evans is a Rapist – The standard commenter reply when Johnny Evans is mentioned, either in the lineups or by the announcers. Stems from a debauched Manchester United Christmas Party after which Evans was arrested for rape. He was acquitted (legally).
John Terry’s Tranny Doppelganger – Initially only mentioned in Backpasses, this has lived on regardless. I do so enjoy the Google hits from “tranny doppelganger”. Here, take a look.
JWAF - Jesus With A Football. Jack Wilshere. From here.
Lingering Bursitis – Former handle of James T.
Magic Pixie™ – Andrei Arshavin.
Manchester Arabia – Nickname for Manchester City after being bought by Sheikh Mansour.
Middle Eastlands – Manchester City’s home park. Official name is Eastlands, but they have that Sheikh owner, you see?
MS Paint – The Fan’s Attic favored program for illustrating what is and is not offside.
Nacho Pete – Peter Crouch. Apparently, while at Southampton, Crouch visited a nacho-serving restaurant and, while eating the nachos, took to saying “Crouchie’s having his nachos“.
Ned’s S**t List – There are a lot of people in football who do not live up to Ned’s standards. Those people go on this list.
NTKOP - Not That Kind Of Player. Used to refer to a player who is more willing to dive into rough tackles than play football. Refers to the usual phrase these player’s managers use when defending their red cards and injurious tackles.
OOSAH - USA. The Fan’s Attic related the story of how, when he was watching a USMNT match and the crowd was chanting U-S-A, a man of unknown ethnic origin behind him started chanting how that would sound phonetically in his native language.
Originaldo - Brazilian Ronaldo. The chunky one with the slight tranny problem.
Pants - No good at all. British term for underwear.
Sarge - Wilson Palacios, apparently.
SASIC - South American Soccer Is Crazy. Term coined when we had a run of stories on the continent, each more outlandish than the one before.
Seppsis - Sepp Blatter. He’s a festering wound on football. Alternate nicknames include Sepp Blather, Seppticemia, Sepptic Tank
Seventhpool - Current acceptable term to slag off Liverpool fans. Formerly Liverfourth.
SF Bolton – Slightly nicer reference to our original name: Stupid F**king Bolton. So named because of Fat Sam‘s style of football in Bolton at the time.
Spartak London – Alternate team name for Chelsea since Abramovich has owned them.
Stadler and Waldorf – Useful nickname for the Former Liverpool owners (and blithering American idiots) Tom Hicks and George Gillett. Also occasionally referred to as Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum.
Suck It And Keep On Sucking It – Diego Maradona’s eloquent rebuttal to the media after Argentina squeaked into the World Cup under his stewardship. The video is really what makes it.
Suck It, Barclay’s™ – In the lead up to 2008-09, our first full season as a blog, the EPL tried to brand itself worldwide as the BPL–Barclay’s Premier League–after its main sponsor. We didn’t go for that and for a while (and when it strike us to this day) when we referred to the English Premier League, it was followed by (suck it, Barclay’s). Also used occasionally: EPL (SI,B).
Super Jew – Yossi Benayoun. Used while at Liverpool, not so much mentioned now since very few of us care for Chelsea.
TACTICS! – In the eternal argument if whether a team is better because of its players or its coach, James T comes down firmly on the side a tactics. He even started yelling it, and others yelled back. If something good happens because of formation, you can be sure TACTICS! will show up in the comments. A one-off discussion of SNACKTICS! occurred during one Foulcast.
TERRIERS! – James T loves the TV show Terriers. He talks about it a lot, both on the blog and in the Foulcasts. Now, commenters are joining in. Of course, when in doubt, capitalize and exclamate (it’s the new refudiate) to make sure others know you are serious.
Thirdsenal - Arsenal and their perpetual finishing position in league.
TTGR - That Traitor Giuseppe Rossi. America’s best player who decided that being born and raised in New Jersey wasn’t good enough for him to choose USA for his NT and instead turned out for his father’s ex-country, Italy. Said to have a love for YEAGAH BAWMBS! HATE.
Ugly Robot Wife - Victoria Beckham aka Posh.
ü75 – former handle of Jacob.
Wes Brown – a man with an inordinate love for all things Ryan Giggs.